Kaoru's Hissy Fit
by mistress-reebi
Summary: Kaoru is in labour and is a million times more angry. Can the boys survive her fury?


"Kenshin!" Kaoru hissed, while yanking the sandals off her feet with her hands, hurling them at him with great force. "Where do you think you are going?"

"Out to get you…some tea!" Kenshin lied in shaking tone with a fake smile on his nervous face. "I'll be right back." He blurted out, running out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

"Fine," Kaoru yelled at the top of her lungs, making sure he could hear her, "I don't need you here to hold my hand to sooth my pain!"

Kaoru lied down on her futon, squirming, as she placed her hands on her stomach. Megumi sat beside her, dabbing the sweat with a cloth as doctor Gensai prepared himself for the delivery. It had only been an hour, but to Kaoru it seemed forever.

"That's it!" Kaoru growled, as her face reddened from anger. "I don't care if I'm not ready, I'm pushing this baby out right now!"

"Kaoru, more Cow-ru!" A young voice snickered behind the door. "You're as fat as a cow!"

"SHUT UP YAHIKO!" Kaoru shouted, nearly straining her voice, as she got up off of her bed, opened the door, and dug her hands around his neck, strangling him.

"Kao…ru," Yahiko gagged, placing his hands over her wrists, trying to free himself, "you're..hurt..ing…me!" As soon as he said the work 'hurt' Kaoru froze, letting go of her grip. Veins popped from her forehead and her face was so red it was a perfect target for a bull. She scrunched her hands into a fist, as her eye began to twitch, growling like a beast, "I'm hurting you?"

Megumi quickly grabbed unto Kaoru's arm, pulling her inside, while Kenshin slid the door, within milliseconds.

"HOW ABOUT HAVING YOUR INSIDES BEING EXPANDED, WHILE RIPPING YOU APART!" Kaoru screamed, like a raid alarm, warning the entire city of Kaoru's wrath. Kenshin held the door in place with all of his strength, but the other side would arbitrarily try to force the door open ever so often, hollering, "Quick holding me back, Megumi!" Sano and Yahiko lent Kenshin a hand, using every muscle of their body to shove the door, making sure Kaoru didn't come out. Evenually, Kaoru gave up, hissing, "If you say something like that again, I'll rip out your vocal chords out, one by one, and you better not scream in pain!"

The boys ran away from the door, sprinting towards the other section of the dojo while picking up Ayame and Suzume along the way, then locking themselves inside a random room.

"I bet labour doesn't even hurt." Sano sighed, seating himself unto the floor. "Women are such crybabies. Men can tolerate pain, but women can't."

"I HEARD THAT!" A fuming voice was heard coming from the other side of the wall. "COME BACK HERE YOU STUPID FREELOADER! MAYBE I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO TOLERATE PAIN BY KICKING YOU IN THE GROIN A HUNDRED TIMES AND THEN HAVING A CIRCUMCISION!"

"Let's go to the Akabeko!" Sano suggested with a calm look on his face, trying to cover up his fear.

"Uncle Ken, where do babies come from?" Little Ayame asked, tugging unto Kenshin's shirt.

"Where do babies come from?" Suzume repeated, with a smile on her face.

"Ask your grandpa." Kenshin said, nervously, but the girls had a sad look on their face.

"He won't tell us." Ayame replied, in a pounding manner. "Can you tell us?"

"Well…uh… It's when grown ups fall in love they…uh…" He stuttered, while scratching his head.

"Ask angels to give them a child and a soul from heaven goes inside a woman and grows." Yahiko finished off Kenshin's answer, practically sighing. "I don't see why adults find that topic so hard to deal with. Why do they get so panicky? I don't see how angels can be so frightening."

"I think you're old enough to know something, Yahiko." Sano added, and leaned towards him, whispering words into his ear. Yahiko's face went blue, almost as if he was about to vomit.

"That's sick!" Yahiko blubbered, quivering in fear. "Ew, so Kaoru and Kenshin… EW!"

"It's actually a lot of fun." Sano giggled. "That's only half of the story, let me tell you the rest."

"I don't wanna know the rest!" Yahiko cried, dashing out of the room, screaming.

"Uncle Ken, then what's the point of boys if girls are the ones who give birth?" Ayame asked, while Suzume repeated.

"To protect women."

"Why do boys have winnies?"

"Uh….to…tell if the baby is a boy or a girl." Kenshin replied, as his cheeks started to turn a rosy colour. "I think you girls should go to bed, that you should."

"It's still daylight, and we had a nap an hour ago." Ayame explained, as Kenshin started to tremble.

"Just go to sleep." Kenshin indicated, dropping blankets and pillows on the ground. The girls obeyed, getting into the beds, dozing off to sleep, making Kenshin sigh in relief.

"Now we can go to the Akabeko." Sano spoke, stepping outside. "Do you mind paying this time? Oh, can you pay my tab while you're at it?"

"My wife is about to have a baby and we live in a run-down dojo, so no, I can't pay for your tab." Kenshin informed, pointing towards the various holes in the walls. "At this rate, pretty soon we are going to have to eat road kill. I heard squirrel meat tastes good. After all, it can't be that far from Kaoru's cooking."

"We better leave now, she might have heard us!" Sano suggested, as they walked towards the entranceway to the dojo.

"KENSHIN!" Kaoru hollered from the distance, as he and Sano raced towards the gate. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING?"

"Uh," was the only sound coming out of his mouth. The hairs on the back of his neck rose as Kaoru's question made him stop running. He turned to Sano, who was far ahead, yelling, "Save yourself! Don't worry about me! I don't know if I'm going to make it so remember me!"

"There you are!" Kaoru barked as the fires of hell were in her eyes. She pulled on his ear and guided him towards the room. "You aren't going to run on me when I'm about to give birth, you got that?"

"Yes, dear." Kenshin replied, as he tripped, which Kaoru didn't give sympathy and dragged him along the dirt, then chucking him in the room.

0000000

"It's a boy!" Doctor Gensai announced, as he held the newly born baby in his hands, wrapping him in blankets. "Congratulations!"

"A boy," Kaoru squealed as her eyes began to tear, "What should we call him. Kenshin?"

"How about H-"

"Kenji is a perfect name!" Kaoru interrupted as Kenshin nodded and replied with a, "yes, dear." His body had lain on the floor, twitching, with bruises from head to toe with his eyes in an X shape, matching his scar. His body ached in more pain than the time he fought Shishio, but he didn't even dare tell that to Kaoru.

The doors slide open as Sano, Yahiko, Susume, and Ayame, swam in with smiles on their faces, congratulating the two. The doctor handed Kenji over to Kaoru, whose eyes poured in tears, bawling, "I'm already a bad mother. My baby won't stop crying!"

"He's crying because he is having trouble breathing." Megumi answered. "He should stop crying soon."

"Finally, Kaoru is useful by having a boy." Yahiko teased, but made Kaoru cry even more. "What's with all the tears? One minute you're throwing rocks at us and now you're moping around. Women sure are hard to understand."

"How can you be so insensitive towards my feelings?" Kaoru cried. "You always call me ugly and it really hurts!"

"Let's go to the Akabeko!" Sano proposed in a loud tone of voice. "We saw the baby, let's go now before Kaoru has another hissy fit!"

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AN: I don't think I spelt Akabeko correctly but oh well. Thanks for reading and please review!


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